exhausted

dad looks a little better every day.  he had the first part of his stress test this morning and the other part will be done monday morning. right now it’s just hurry up and wait. we won’t really know anything until probably tuesday.

this weekend has been just exhausting, emotionally, mentally, physically. i flew down to the hospital frida6y on pure adrenaline and as soon as i got there, there was an enormous adrenaline let down and i was spent. i didn’t sleep that night because i just couldn’t turn my mind off. i finally got a little rest on saturday afternoon and i slept fairly well last night. i still feel drained. we went up to the hospital sunday afternoon with plans to have dinner with my sister when she got off work, then i would head home. toby called and asked us to come over for dinner and although a very generous offer that would be traveling twenty minutes in the wrong direction for me. i needed to get home. nothing has been done. i mowed the yard when i got home, it was already high. the laundry still needs done and i haven’t been to the grocery store. i missed my jc appt this week so i am on my own for food. i have so much that needs to get done and no energy left to do it.

my friends have been so supportive, between messages, phone calls, and text, they have really been there for me throughout this whole ordeal.

positivity for today, i asked my neighbor to feed pepper for me while i was gone, i got home and her dish was full. she still hasn’t forgiven me for leaving yet, but she was taken care of. i am thankful for good neighbors.

update

still waiting for his stress test to be done, it’s scheduled for tomorrow. in the meantime, he has cellulitis in his legs, his blood sugar levels are critical, and there is concern over his kidneys. he went into the hospital two years ago at thanksgiving for renal failure and ended up in a nursing home for two months. his stress test will be done tomorrow, we won’t really know anything until monday. depending on the results of the stress test they may need to do a heart cath but are reluctant to do so because the xray contrast would send him into renal failure and he would require dialysis. we won’t really know anything until monday.

today his color is better, he doesn’t seem as short of breath and he doesn’t seem to fatigue as easily, all encouraging signs. the family has gathered around him and all of his grandchildren have been to the hospital to visit him.

positivity for today, in times of crisis we are reminded just how important family bonds are.

dad

i only ever get phone calls at work for one reason, and it isn’t good. my sister called today to tell me that my father had a heart attack, he’s seventy four years old. he went to the emergency room in the middle of the night complaining that his arms hurt and he was short of breath. he was having health problems a few months ago, had an echocardigram, a muga scan and some labs done, nothing showed up. three months later he’s had a heart attack, as heart attacks go, this was considered a mild one. i called the hospital and dad picked up the phone, i managed a small little daddy before i started crying. true to his personality, my dad immediately handed the phone over to mom. mom deals with the tears and then fills him in on it later, dad has never been ne to handle emotions well. mom calls him a wuss. i left work and headed to the hospital on a total adrenaline rush, all i could think was i have to get there. once there, i had a total adrenaline let down and was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. he didn’t look good he was pale, short of breath and easily fatigued. it’s so hard to see your father, the strongest man on earth, getting older.

before i left work i sent out text messages to all my friends, i needed prayers, thoghts, vibes, whatever they could do. i immediately got eight responses, much more than i expected given it was the middle of the work day.

positvity for today. i am so grateful to have so many wonderful, loving friends. the support and the love sent my way helps carry me through.

working out, in the great outdoors

i went to my workout session with leslie last night. i took a nap first, not because this woman consistently kicks my butt, but because i was on call last night. i woke up and still sleepy, drove out to meet her at the high school stadium. she teaches a group session there every wednesday night and i was meeting her after that class. i have two more sessions left with my p.t. and i have decided to schedule a monthly session with her just to check in and keep on track. i am also going to join her wednesday night group, because it’s cheaper, because it would be fun, because with exercise it’s good to shake things up a bit, and because it’s all outdoors. i spent an hour working out in the sun, looking at a beautiful blue sky.

the thing about exercise for me is, it’s fun. i have finally reached the point where my body tells me, hey! let’s get up and move a bit! i feel a real difference on the days i don’t work out, i can tell a real difference in my energy and stress levels. no more slaving away on the elliptical for an hour at a time and not getting any results. the past month and a half working with leslie, she has challenged me and has increased my confidence in my own ability. i am doing things i would never thought possible after having had two knee surgeries and it’s all been low impact, knee friendly, but tough as hell. i am stronger, we have increased my amount of weight i am lifting consistently and on some of these exercises i am now lifting thirty pounds more than i was when i started. i can see a difference in the shape of my arms, and feel a difference when i do every day activities, going up the stairs, lifting groceries, just the every day things where you don’t realize how hard you have been laboring until you are no longer laboring hard. i told leslie last night my new goal was to be able to do ten boy push-ups by the end of the year!

positivity for today, i have never been good at asking for help, but working with leslie, tona and jenny craig  has made such a difference in my life. i feel better, i eat better, and i have more energy. knowing when you need help, being able to ask for it, and being able to accept it, is a big personal milestone!

october som

i know what you are thinking, it’s not october it’s july, stacey seriously needs to update her page a day calendar! last year i had a goal, one pair of socks a month. by the time i got motivated to start the christmas knitting, i was so short of time the socks fell by the wayside. so now i am trying to finish that goal. the label is long gone but the pattern is from interweave’s favorite socks, the cable rib socks.

positivity for today, i am a goal oriented person, i set goals for myself and do my best to achieve them. do you have a goal? is there something in your life you want to achieve? is there a goal that went by the wayside? it’s never to late to pick up where you left off and accomplish your goals!

astilbe

not only is it hard to find flowers that bloom in shade, it is even harder to find colors. i have several astilbe plants in the garden, pink, red, and purple, every year they grow a little bigger, and a little fuller.

positivity for today, my co-worker cassandra is out on grand jury duty. she will be out for about a month, she stopped by today and i gave her a big hug and i told her i missed her because no one else tells me i look buff! we laughed and she had me make a muscle, then we laughed harder!

in my garden

another picture from my garden. the area i have to plant in is in deep shade and it was very hard to find flowering plants that you could plant in shade. these are among my favorites. plantain lillies.

i walked into my ultrasound room and jason was working on the computer, he turns to me and says are you getting taller as you get skinnier? i swear you are about a foot taller. to which i replied, perhaps it’s because you are sitting down. positivity for today, i always appreciate when jason comments on my weight loss and i love a good sense of humor. laughter really is the best medicine!

the ledges hike 9

the ledges was part of last year’s hiking challenge as well, but it is one of my favorites. i got a late start today, after a day spent lounging and relaxing yesterday, my body was telling me it was time to move. i just went for a short hike,  only 2.2 miles. usually i like to get in a good six to eight miles on a sunday morning. the ledges has lots to offer, beautiful rock formations,

caves, spectacular views and a section of trail that takes you away from the rocks, but through an older part of the forest. my favorite thing about the ledges is how it demonstrates mother nature’s resilience,

trees growing out of solid rock. even when you’d think it isn’t possible, mother nature finds a way.

positivity for today, if you find your way blocked, step back and take a look, there’s always another way. it just takes resilience.

knittin’ mittens

in an attempt to get a jump start on the christmas knitting, and so that i do not end up finishing people’s gifts on christmas eve, i started with a few small projects, and better yet, projects i already had the yarn for in the stash. as an ongoing part of my efforts to live within a budget and to try to reduce my spending as much as possible, i have been knitting from stash whenever i can, although i will have to purchase yarn for at least two christmas projects. using a very basic mitten pattern i knitted a pair for my nephew noah, who will be one by christmas, and a pair for my niece lexie.

noah’s are on the left, lexie’s are on the right.

amazing that these will fit such tiny hands so perfectly.

i spent the day at home wathcing movies, reading harry potter and knitting. my positivity for the day, take some time to just relax and recharge. hope you had a safe and happy fourth of july!

in bloom

i used to have hedges planted out front of the house, until i emailed the landlord one day and asked them to trim them back. they tore them out completely. so now i have a patch of lillies growing under the window all by their lonesome. my lillies are in bloom at the moment, i took this picture from my garden.

my positive thing for the day. i made a quick run to the post office and had a rather bulky box in my arms, it wasn’t heavy, just big. the woman in front of me went through the door and let it close. a man inside saw what happened, rushed to the door to open it for me and smiled. i gave him my best smile and a thank you.