goals for 2009

i’m not a big fan of resolutions. i like to set goals for the coming year, and i usually fail at them but that’s ok. it’s still fun, and even more so when i actually accomplish one or two of them.

so my goals for 2009 in no particular order:

continue to eat healthy and lose weight

i’ve been doing really well on jenny craig. i joined october 2nd and i have lost twenty pounds this year. rolling into the new year i will stick to the plan and keep shedding those pounds. i paid for one year of the program so hopefully i can make this a life long habit and stay at my ideal weight. i never thought i would be thin again. i can’t tell you how good this feels.

maintain a workout routine

bks i was diligent about exercise, since then i have been exercising sporadically. i need to continue to exercise and lead a healthy life style.

keep the change

last year when i went out to visit lori in san diego i met her friend jenny. jenny finds change everywhere she goes, because she looks for it. i never think to look for it and even when i do find it i don’t always pick it up. i decided last year i would start looking for change and keep it in a separate piggy bank so i could see how much i came up with at the end of the year. lori even bought me a bank. i wasn’t diligent about it and only ended up with $4.28 dollars us, one canadian penny and a peso. so this year i am going to try again, and get myself into the habit of looking for change. word to the wise, if you decide to play this game, stay out of jenny’s way!

knit a scarf a month

last years project was a sock of the month and i fell woefully behind, in fact i still haven’t finished the october/november/december sock of the month. i decided on a monthly project last year because of the enormous amount of yarn i currently own, and in an effort to knit the stash and stop purchasing so much yarn, i picked a monthly project. i have cut back on the amount of yarn i buy, but let’s face it i’ll never stop buying altogether. i have about nine scarves in mind already, with the necessary yarn and pattens for each of them, i’m sure by the end of the year i’ll be able to come up with three more. we’ll see if i can stay on track this time around.

be of service

with our economy in the toilet thanks to our barely elected president, (who thankfully is on his way out) things have changed at work. i am working more days, and with the cost of gas, breaking even. i’m not even bringing any extra income into the house. after taking a leap of faith and going to thirty six hours per week last march, i was forced onto a forty hour work week just seven months later. given no choice in the matter, and i no longer have long weekends. i have thursday off. whoppee! it’s been hard to focus on the positive. i talk to my friend jen every week, and i always feel like i am so negative. like i never have anything positive to report to her . (i don’t know why she still calls me because i would be sick of me by now. thank god for friends like jen ) when bandit got cancer my entire life ceased to exist. it became all about her. her needs were my life, and as tough as that was to go through, (i wouldn’t wish it on anyone) it made me a better person. i know of two people who are having a really terrible time right now. make my woes look like nothing, in fact when compared to what they are going through. i’m a whiner. seriously. so i have decided to adopt them for 2009. there’s not much i can do for them financially and they live half way across the country from me, on opposite sides of the country, but i figure if i can drop them a card, or a small gift once in awhile just to let them know someone is thinking about them, someone cares, it may make a difference in their day. isn’t that the best we can all hope for in this world? to be able to make a difference? even a small one?

make dent

as per usual, pay off my debt.

what i’ve been reading lately

mad dash by patricia gaffney.

i gave it an honest effort read 166 pages and a total of 12 chapters. it’s the story of a middle aged woman whose daughter has gone off to college, she’s suffering empty nest syndrome and having a midlife crisis at the same time. bottom line she’s bored with her life. i understand,  i was bored with her life  too, and the name of the main character just about drives me nuts. dash. i haven’t seen such a poorly named character since that godawful oprah’s book club book where the heart is. praline, brownie, americus nation.  patricia gaffney is one of my favorite writers, but this is not her best effort.

the time traveler’s wife by audrey niffenegger

love this book!  love, love, love it! maybe because it’s partially set in chicago and i recognize some of the landmarks, maybe because part of it takes place in the field museum i wonder if prisca has ever found a naked man in the museum after hours? wonder more what she’d do with him if she did! (i’ll have to remember to ask her if they really do have a giant library on the third floor.) maybe it’s because it’s a very good book, well written and captures your imagination. it’s a bit rough at the end, but a very good read. yes lori, there are dead people in this book.

such a pretty fat by jen lancaster

i read her first book bitter is the new black and loved it, totally recommend it, i laughed so hard at this book. i read her second book bright lights, big ass and it was so-so. this book is funny and disturbingly close to home. i get the weight loss struggle and the struggle to stay on a diet. i had a pinched nerve behind my left elbow a few years ago, lost feeling in two of my fingers and couldn’t even grasp my car keys. i wore wrist braces, a back brace to realign my shoulders and bilateral elbow splints at night to keep me from bending my arms. i still have to make a conscientious effort to keep my elbows straight because i can feel the weakness setting in in my hands. three years later i still have a very weak grip. i have been struggling with body image so much lately, the more weight i lose the worse it is. i notice every little bulge and roll where as before i thought i looked much thinner than i actually was. i get this. the story about the dismembered head in a box from amazon.com made me laugh so hard i was concerned for my bladder. a great way to spend a cold sunday morning, in your jams, tucked in bed with this book.

herstory edited by ruth ashby and deborah gore ohrn

this book contains short segments on women throughout history (herstory) and each segment is penned by a different author. it start out in early histoy with the likes of cleopatra and sappho and moves forward to modern history. my beloved jane austen appears as well as many other women who have contributed to the advancement of all women. very good read, highly recommend it.

5 gold rings…………..ba da bup bump

today is the fifth day of christmas, and my favorite version of the twelve days of christmas is from the muppets. can you hear miss piggy? i finished noah’s last christmas gift today. mom was generous and sewed the zipper in for me. i had taken a bit of a break from knitting after christmas because quite frankly my hands were sore. this is from the debbie bliss baby essentials book. it’s called a baby bag, just a nightgown sewn together at the bottom basically. i’ll get it mailed out friday, no later than saturday. hope they like it. it should fit him perfectly and be toasty warm.

the last sunday of 2008

8:20 am i sleep in this morning, get up and got outside to feed the cat. locate my glasses, and then grab breakfast. cranberry almond cereal, raspberry cheesecake yogurt and an orange. there’s a bottle of water already on the nightstand. the house is a bit chilly but no matter, i find my book and crawl under the covers. it’s toasty warm under a pound of blankets and i am having breakfast in bed. flip open my book and settle in.

11:00 am carry the breakfast dishes out to the kitchen, grab another yogurt and it’s back to bed and back to my book. such a pretty fat by jen lancaster.

12:55 pm finished my book (talk about timing) five minutes before the steelers game comes on. climb out of bed and turn on the tv, climb in the shower and get warm. i can hear the tv and i hear the tale tell music come on, it’s game time. climb out of the shower as the announcer comes on, head for the bedroom. throw my soft, warm, comfy jams on the bed and opt for sweats, a tshirt and a steelers sweatshirt.

1:05 pm sit down to write at the computer and as per usual the computer has better plans than what i want to do. had to re-boot and since it takes for~ever to boot up i head out to the kitchen to make lunch.

1:10 pm lunch is ready, jc turkey burger with onion, green peppers and mushrooms. sit down to use computer again and it’s still fussing but finally gives in. i win! try to log on to the tavern and it’s pulling it’s usual shite, pages won’t load, times out. i swear i don’t have trouble with any other site but this one.

1:30 pm sit down to watch game, knitting in hand.

4:05 pm the steelers shut out the browns 31-0. it wasn’t even a very exciting game. ben roethlisberger spent fifteen minutes on his back on the field, was taken off by stretcher. he has a concussion of unknown severity. fortunately the steelers have a bye week  before the playoffs so it is more than possible that big ben will be back in time to play. the steelers were already heading to the playoffs regardless of the outcome of this game. this is the most exciting time of the season for me, even more so than the regular season.

4:07 pm grab my coat and head out the door to run a few errands. i get in the car and start it, fasten my seat belt and look out the window to see pepper crossing the yard. she jumps up and has a seat on the railroad ties that separate my driveway from the neighbors and just stares at me. i stare back. we both know how this is going to turn out. even though i only have a few things to do, and i will be gone less than an hour, she already knows i won’t make her wait. instead i get out of the car, open the front door, fill her dish, re-lock the front door, get back in the car and re-fasten my seat belt. frickin’ spoiled cat.

4:15 pm drop off book at the library. they have a slot in the side of the building, you pull up, drop the book in and drive away. don’t even have to get out of the car. love this!

4:20 pm pull into the grocery store parking lot, pick up a birthday card for jen, two sunday papers, and two gift cards for me. itunes, and best buy. i know, i know, i swore off best buy, but all the other electronic stores in my area have gone belly up. i am saving up for a ds~i which is not due to come out until 2009, but since i get ten cents off per gallon of gas for ever fifty dollars spent at the grocery store i have been saving up by buying gift cards each pay until i have what i need and i get the bonus of fuel perks.

4:40 pm go to get gas, there are two cars in line ahead of me, but i earned fifteen cents off a gallon today. go me! (why fifteen not twenty? i dunno either)

4:58 pm home, in less than an hour i might add, it’s time for dinner, tonight, pizza.

5:20 pm sit down to dinner in front of the tv. this is a big weight loss no-no. watch the end of a cold case repeat.

6:00 pm didn’t exercise yesterday, or the day before that, or well…. i got out the wii fit and it informed i hadn’t been there in a week, i did do cardio on monday after work but that was the last time i did anything. of course this was the week of christmas so gonna cut myself a bit of slack. wii fit informed i lost 2.6 lbs since last sunday. kinda of scary since jc said i gained 1lb 5 oz this week. (i weighed in yesterday) regardless, i put in an hour on the wf system.

7:30 pm sat down to watch ghost town one more time before it goes back to netflix, still knitting the hood on noah’s last christmas present, hoping to have it ready to mail out by friday. while the movie is playing, start getting ready for work tomorrow. pack a lunch, set out cloths, pack a workout outfit. having gained over a pound, it’s time to get serious and re-commit.

9:27 pm movie over, brew a cup of tea and it’s back into the jams. crawl into bed with the sunday papers and wind down the weekend.

10:24 pm done with the sunday papers, it’s time to get ready for bed.

thanks for sharing my simple little sunday with me. (hope you’re still awake at this point)

goodnight.

there’s no place like home for the holidays

it’s funny, but when i was a little girl we used to go and visit our relatives “back east” in pennsylvania. i was just barely in grade school and everything was disproportionate.  the journey to my grandparents house seemed epic,  it’s a whole two hour car ride.  i remember thinking that their house seemed so tiny, it’s bigger than the house i live in now. home was where i lived everyday, brushed my teeth, slept with my stuffed animals and played dolls with my friends. now that i am older, disproportionately older, home is a state of mind, a place in our hearts, a place that brings you a sense of peace. home is a feeling not geography. it’s possible to feel at home somewhere you’ve never been, never set eyes on before, never stepped foot on this soil. lori knows, she came home for the first time she visited paris. home for me is a little town in pennsylvania. i have roots there, i have history.

mom and sharon and i headed out for cannonsburg this morning to leave wreaths for our loved ones who have passed. we drove into town and head for chartiers hill presbyterian church. this is the church my mom grew up in, my grandfather sang in the choir, and my parents were married in.

there is a little cemetery next to the church, my mom’s family is buried here, her grandparents, parents, the aunt she was named for and her brother who died seven years before i was even born, at the age of twenty eight. i want to go back sometime this summer, by myself and walk around the cemetery, take a few pics. the oldest tombstone in the cemetery is dated 1783, and is supposedly the finally resting place of an indian squaw. it’s surrounded by stone now, the tombstone has cracked, hopefully from age not vandalism and is in need of a bit of support.

one of the things i love most about old cemeteries is the beauty and sculpture in old tombstones. some of them are truly works of art, but one of the other things i like about the really old tombstones are the epitaphs. they don’t just give the dates of birth and death like more recent stones, some of which only give the years without the complete dates. every stone tells a story. i read them wonder about this persons life and the lives of people they touched.

we left wreaths to honor the memory of loved ones.

we left hill church and head through downtown. mom was a country mouse, and dad a city mouse. mom lived outside of town. we drove past the house she grew up in, my grandparents and great aunt lizzie lived next door to each other. the homes are quite changed from what i remember, the giant pine tree in front of our grandparents home long gone. we used to climb that tree and play under it. it was a christmas tree. my grandfather was ahead of his time, he bought live trees with the bulb in tact and after christmas he planted them around the property. on the other side of the road that ran behind their house was my great grandparents house. long torn down and replaced with apartment buildings, time marches on.

we drove past the house my dad grew up in, i often daydream about moving here and buying this house. it was built by my great grandfather. we crossed the bridge, as a teenagers my dad was walking across this bridge one winter day, slipped on the ice and tumbled over the side into the stream.

on the opposite side of town is a public cemetery where my dad’s parent are buried. my grandfather died long before i was born. my great grandparents are buried here somewhere, one of these i need to go back during the week when the office is open and find out exactly where.

hope you’ve had a wonderful christmas and take a moment to remember those you’ve loved.

tis the season to be jolly

what a wonderful way to wind down the work week. it’s hard coming in on fridays anyways after having thursdays off, i got used to long weekends so it always feels like i worked my three days and now i should be done until next week. this week was a bit different in that not only did i have thursday off for christmas day, but my boss gave me wednesday off as well. (christmas eve) it made for a very pleasant holiday, but i still had to go to work friday morning, and then i am off the weekend. i looked ahead  on the schedule a few weeks ago and saw that the pseudosonographer was off today. this left the dream team. tony, robin, erin and myself. they didn’t schedule any outpateints today,  and since most doctors will make every attempt to discharge patients for the holidays, our census is low meaning we didn’t have a ton of inpatients to deal with. i had told my coworkers a few weeks ago that we are going to order out lunch today and just relax and take it easy. we ordered out rockne’s and invited our boss to join us. we told him it’s one day a year, he can suck it up and eat with us! (lol) overall we just had a really pleasant and enjoyable work day. i haven’t had one of those kinda days at work in a really long time. it’s amazing what a difference it makes when certain elements are taken out of the picture.

and to all a goodnight

we had our big celebration on sunday, so this was a very low keyed christmas. i got up christms eve morning, packed up the car and headed home. when i arrived mom was out and dad was sitting at the table playing solitaire. so i made us both some lunch and we sat and talked a bit. i got his mail for him and he says to me, oh we got your christmas card today. i mailed it on the saturday after thanksgiving, it was post marked november twenty ninth! my friends in california had theirs by the first week of december. i’ve seen my parents several times since thanksgiving i could’ve just handed it to them! mom came home and made a wonderful beef stew, even though i am still on jc i had a small bowl. mom is a fantastic cook, and how do you pass up homemade beef  stew? then she made an apple pie. mom knows i love her apple pie, in fact the last three times i got her apple pie was after i had surgery. she made this wonderful pie and the said it was for dessert on christmas day. that lasted until my sister and her family showed up and the first thing jan asked about was the pie!

christmas eve was very low key, we sat around watching movies and visiting. mom and sharon went to church and then came home and hung out. i spent the night at sharon’s, mom’s tends to get a bit crowded these days.  i woke up christmas morning and called the house before heading over, no one had ventured out in search of a newspaper for dad yet. (he has to have his daily paper) so i stopped at a gas station and picked one up for him. mom made omelets for breakfast and i shared four slices of bacon with snoozie. (my pet name for george’s dog suzie) jan’s family packed up and headed off to george’s family for christmas day.

sharon and i went out to see seven pounds, the newest will smith movie. i had told jan and george that we were going to see this movie, they asked what i thought it was about. i said retribution. i was correct. it’s a very good movie, but it’s a serious thinking type movie. not a fluff way to kill a few hours. with this being sharon’s first christmas without sandy, marley and me was off the table, and who really wants to see a movie about hitler on christmas day? are they kidding? after the movie we headed home and mom was cooking steaks out on the grill in december. we had a wonderful dinner with streak and baked potatoes and waldorf salad. finally it was time to pack it in and head home. (i have to go to work tomorrow.)

christmas is coming the goose is getting……………skinny

i hit the twenty pound mark on saturday, my goal this week is to lose another pound. i have been cheating for the past two weeks, and i really need to get out of that habit fast. it’s hard this time of year with goodies laying all about. the landlord dropped of a huge box of baklava last week and it was my down fall, i did manage to get a few pieces stored in the freezer before finishing it all off. i had a few cookies at mom’s on sunday and another one at work monday. i know it’s easy to say don’t beat yourself up, and you can’t deprive yourself of everything, but i am almost to the half way point and i feel myself faltering. i read on the jc website about this, you get half way there and you feel like giving up. i didn’t understand at the time, but now i do.  i’ll reach the halfway point before the end of the year, i started this on october second, so in less than three months i’ve dropped twenty pounds, but then i think another three months until i reach my goal weight and it feels like such a long time. feels like i’ll never get there. i need to find a way to turn my mind around on this. hence all the snacking. fortunately we are almost done with the christmas season and all the temptations will go away. i weigh in saturday and will be anxious to see how much i have lost this week.

i went out to do a bit of shopping on my way home. i needed to get thread and a zipper for noah’s last gift. the pattern says to hand sew in the zipper, but i think i am going to have mom help me machine sew it in instead. i stopped at joann’s in fairlawn and went to the barnes and noble next door. i got the two knitting books i have been wanting with the gift cards i got for christmas, my total out of pocket expense was less than fourteen dollars. i got  knitted lace of estonia by nancy bush, and knitting on top of the world by nicky epstien. both are full of history and i am more excited about reading them than anything else. i also stopped at the grocery store last night to pick up a few things and i was surprised that i was home by seven thirty. i decided to do everything last night so i would have to bother with it christmas eve morning, but also because i needed to go to fairlawn which is forty five minutes from home, and if i went from work i would already be half way there. i was surprised that there was hardly anyone else out shopping, i figured this close to christmas it would be a mad house, but i never waited in line at the register for more than ten minutes and traffic was actually lighter than a normal rush hour. truly a sign of our country’s current economic situation.

when i got home i had a movie waiting for me from netflix, re-cycle. it’s a japanese suspense film about a writer who is writing about the supernatural and then strange things start to happen to her. i liked it and if you like foreign films i recommend it.  it does get into abortion quite a bit, in case that’s a trigger for anyone. (yes lori there are dead people in this movie)

the tears i cannot cry

surrounded by water, warm, comforting

i swim in the sea warmed by the sun

i watch the sun rise and set

bathed in peace

all is well

i look to the sky, blue

the clouds fluffy and white

then dark, ominous

the sky opens up and it begins to pour

hard pelting rain, cold, dark

the water rises, peaks and troughs

crashing, churning

i am confused, alone, shivering, silent

i am small, insignificant, a tiny voice that cannot speak

the storm rages on and i am helpless

at a loss for what is happening to me

there is no comfort, no explanation

the waves grow higher but never reach the shore

the tears are just beneath the surface, but never spill

they never come, they are urgent, demanding, but will not fall

then just as suddenly the skies clear and all is well

the sea is calm, the waves subside and there is warmth again

there is peace

all is merry and bright

we had our family christmas today! due to conflicting work schedules we moved christmas up to the twenty first so that everyone could be there. this of course, meant that i lost three knitting days before christmas, and despite my eternally springing hope i did not get everything finished in time. the good news is that what i had left to do was all noah’s stuff and at ten weeks old, he won’t mind if something shows up a wee bit late.

i finished this baby blanket just one hour before dinner.

a simple cable knit, the pattern is a photocopy and i have no idea where it came from.

after dinner the kids tore into their gifts, i love this part of christmas, paper flying everywhere! i knitted hats for all the kids, kurt was the only one i didn’t get a picture of, and scott turned his head away just as a snapped this shot.

kyle liked his in his school colors.

despite the look on her face, nicky loved hers!

finally here’s lexie, screaming at me to take her picture too!

now that we’ve had our family dinner, i can sit back and relax these last few days of christmas.